yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
