Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
