She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
