Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize