I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
