How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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