Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
