my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
