he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
