someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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