I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
