I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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