look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
