The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
