I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
