you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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