so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
