No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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