I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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