onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
