my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
