I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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