Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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