South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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