You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
