apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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