Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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