She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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