pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
