Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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