i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
