I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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