Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize