where does the pee come out of this thing
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have aggressive nipples.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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