It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
