Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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