My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
