ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
