I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
