I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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