your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
