We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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