totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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