I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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