Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
