Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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