do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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