Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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