Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's like iHOP with fire
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
