yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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