Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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