Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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