are you so shy because you have an std?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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