Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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