i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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