So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
