i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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