Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
