When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
