i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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