I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
