Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
