so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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