It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
