Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
