I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
