hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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