he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
